


Cut From The Same Cloth

by MiChiAzalie



Category: Fate/EXTRA, Fate/Grand Order, Fate/stay night & Related Fandoms
Genre: But Gil's Kids Are A Handful, Domestic Bliss, F/M, Gudako Was Trying Her Best, Pointless fluff, Self-Indulgent, Sweets Are Serious Business
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-06
Updated: 2021-02-06
Packaged: 2021-03-18 13:34:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29244405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MiChiAzalie/pseuds/MiChiAzalie
Summary: Of course, Gudako had meant it all as just one stupid prank over candy. There was absolutely no harm done. She meant no harm at all; she only wanted to tease Hakuno's little ones a tiny bit for all the trouble they've caused her, and if Gudako actually thought about it, she would probably be doing Hakuno a favor by helping her herd her children by making them learn some manners. Truly, of all things she's been expecting out of this, getting bullied by an eight-year-old was certainly not one of them.Those damned sneaky little Sumerians will be the death of her, one of these days.
Relationships: Gilgamesh | Archer/Kishinami Hakuno
Comments: 7
Kudos: 19





	Cut From The Same Cloth

Of course, Gudako had meant it all as just one stupid joke. There was absolutely no harm done. _She meant no harm at all_ and Gilgamesh’s kid had absolutely no reason whatsoever to be as unreasonable as he had been over it. Like, fine, sure kids always took things more seriously than your average adult, but _come on._

It wasn’t like she got a thrill out of making kids cry or anything, that was certainly not what she had intended with this at all—in fact, she had to admit she quite liked Hakuno’s little runts even if they both could be a pair of shitlings when they wanted to be.

…Which was admittedly more often than Gudako would have liked them to, but she supposed that this little habit of theirs of pushing other people’s buttons until they _snapped_ simply went in the family and there was little that she could do about it, just like Hakuno and her absurd love for everything sweet.

Gudako only meant to tease them a little bit. Like, who wouldn’t want to? It’s not like she could be really blamed for it. Despite the two of them looking deceivingly adorable, she had been more often than not inconvenienced by those two and their shitty little pranks. Like that one time they set a trap right in the middle of the hallway to the control room and she ended up hanging upside-down and covered in noodles, or that other time Ur-Nungal and Nhajat both decided to strap Ishtar with duct-tape to the ceiling –how the hell they managed to do that on their own, Gudako had no clue-.

Those damned sneaky Sumerians will be the death of her one day.

Never mind that one time in which Hakuno had to bail her own children _and_ Enkidu from jail during Archer’s battle tournament in New York after the being decided to use Nungal’s and Nhajat’s powers combined to rob a dollar store for liquor and pop-tarts in enough ludicrous quantities to feed their five stomachs for a week straight. It was a poor day all around, that one, but that was a story for another day.

If Gudako actually thought about it, she would probably be doing Hakuno a favor by helping her herd her children; after all, getting denied every now and then always helped to build some character, right? Gudako was sure there would be no harm if, for once, they got a taste of their own medicine before they grew up to be like one certain asshole with golden armor and a habit of pushing people over the verge of insanity for his own amusement. 

And if you really, _really_ thought about it, Gudako was saving _lives,_ if you put that way; it was really a shame that no one would thank her for all of her acts of martyrdom.

Truth be told, the idea did never strike her fancy until the day of their birthday finally came and Gilgamesh had been too busy to even pay her attention, turning her beloved facilities into one big party so grand and so awesome nothing was ever going to match it ever again—because obviously, the great King of Heroes wouldn’t like being upstaged at a party that he has personally made the preparations for. _Ever._

Gudako wasn’t really sure what to give two kids who were already spoiled beyond belief. She’d been so lost at what to do, in fact, that she had to think about her present almost a month in advance. In the end, she decided to go for something simple, combining her savings with those of Mash to gift them another ridiculously big plushie to add to their already vast collection of ‘ridiculously big and ostentatious plushies’ along with a home-made caramel cake and a varied assortment of chocolates, knowing that they held the same fondness for sweets as their mother. Gudako thought that she and Mash had all flanks covered with that, all in all.

And knowing, of course, that they also had zero shame in how greedy and persistent they could be, Gudako only wanted to keep them expectant for it and play a little with their expectations just so see how they would react. It wouldn’t hurt them; this would probably be one of the few things they would ever have to wait to get.

“Auntie!”

Nhajat yelled from the far end of the corridor, running over happily towards her —with an _actual sharpened dagger strapped to a steel bar_ — with her twin brother running right behind her—and why in God’s name had Hakuno ever thought leaving her baby girl with Ereshkigal was a good idea? Oh, right, because Gilgamesh was too busy making a show out of himself, parading around with Ur-Nungal like he was showcasing a trophy, all while Hakuno herself was busy in the kitchen making the two of them an actual birthday cake, leaving Nhajat alone and fully enabled to chase after the one person she knew would absolutely approve of her fascination with lances and pointy objects of all kind.

Faster than she had time to run around, Gudako had not one but _two_ pairs of hands tugging at the hem of her skirt, and when she turned her head and looked down at her feet, she saw Chaldea’s most notorious troublemakers, all starry-eyed and demanding attention.

Gudako had clapped her hands then, staring down at the two of them with a small, teasing smile before she ruffled their honey-blond mops of hair just the way she knew annoyed the both of them the most. “Nhajat, Ur-Nungal!” She crouched down then so that she could be at face-level with them. “Happy birthday to you two! Having fun?”

The two of them nodded profusely, and Ur-Nungal went to explain to her all of his daily exploits with terrifying detail, and she could only crouch there unblinkingly as the boy proudly professed how awesome his ‘Abum’ was, so much in fact Gudako had wondered for a moment if he had been somehow forced into going on and on about him by none other than the King of Heroes himself, because _come on._

“…and then we came across that bitch-goddess and Abum promised me that if I hit her three times in a row with a steel dagger he’d let me try one of his upgraded, poison-infused blades on her as a present and give me candy later if I succeeded,” the boy beamed, eyes shining with emotion and adoration.

Oh, Christ. Sweet mercy.

Gudako broke into nervous laughter, her voice peaking at hysteria as she said, lying out of her ass and voice deceivingly saccharine sweet, “oh but that’s great, sweety!” her smile wavered only slightly, and then very quickly added, “also _please_ remind me to speak with your Abum later, mm’kay? HahahaHA!”

“Sure!” Ur-Nungal chorused, ever the dutiful son, as he gave her a fang-toothed smile.

Goodness.

Of course Gilgamesh would think that was a good present for a child, and of course he would also deem appropriate to encourage his children to become stone cold murderers from such a young age.

“Do you have something for us as well, auntie Guda?” the other blond asked then, addressing what no doubt was the elephant in the room -corridor?- before she could ever have a chance at addressing it herself.

After a small pause, her signature toothy grin slowly began to flicker across her face once more.

“Why, of course, you little potato kids, auntie Gudako has also got a little something for the both of you,” she said, pinching their cheeks only slightly.

Both Nhajat and Ur-Nungal stared up at her with enormous, sparkling eyes, repeating a chorus of ‘what is it? What is it?’ over and over again, only broken every now and then as they tried to guess her gift for them.

“You finally barbecued bitch-goddess out of existence,” was Ur-Nungal’s first guess, sounding far too hopeful over the prospect of Ishtar disappearing under excruciatingly painful circumstances —far more so than Gudako was expecting to hear from an eight-year-old, at least.

“Eresh told you she’s finally gonna teach me use her _demon-forged_ lances,” was Nhajat’s… more innocent guess?

Gudako stared silently at them, unsure of what to answer to any of that.

Sometimes she wished to know what, exactly, happened inside their little heads for them to be like this, but then she would remember that those where Gilgamesh’s kids as well, not only Hakuno’s, and she would immediately dismiss the idea of trying to get inside their heads least she lost IQ points over it or found herself in need of hiring a psychiatrist.

“…Yeah, actually—” another fit of nervous laughter, “— _not_.”

The smaller girl frowned up at her. Ur-Nungal raised one single eyebrow at her—just the one! Gudako was so envious of that! She never got Gilgamesh to teach her to do that, but maybe she could ask his son if he could show her, instead.

Nhajat tilted her head to the side, sounding slightly _disappointed_ as she said _,_ “No?”

The nerve of these kids, Gudako swears.

She shook her head.

“Oh, no, nothing of that. In fact,” Gudako spread her arms wide to help her make a point, “your auntie has gone through all the trouble to get you two a _gargantuan_ mountain of sweets instead!”

 _That_ certainly did get their attention.

The two blonds watched her with wide, wide eyes.

“Which kind?” Nhajat asked at the same time Ur-Nungal muttered “how many is that again?” under his breath, looking down at his small fingers as he seemed to be affixing her exaggeration to a numerical value, ever the science-nerd.

The redhead only spread her arms even further, deciding it was easier to answer Nhajat’s question rather than risking Ur-Nungal go on for another painful half an hour about numerical language.

“From chocolates to candy canes all the way to sweet rolls, my huckleberry little friends!”

Unable to control their glee, Nhajat clenched her hands around her makeshift lance, smiling brightly as she rose it in the air as a sign of victory before she turned around and exchanged high-fives with her twin, making the whole scene seem even more apotheotic when Gudako went on and said—

“—But I also happened to eat them all in one night so I guess there's no more candy for you this time, hahaHA,” she told the with another bark of laughter that bordered on hysterics. "So, uh, yeah."

There was a pause as the kids both exchanged wary glances with each other, coming down from their high before they stared vacantly back at Gudako, who got to watch in prime time how the joy of life snuffed from their eyes.

It was a little bit funny, in a pitying sort of way. Their ‘dead-fish’-like stares reminded her somewhat of Hakuno, which was actually sort of hilarious considering they had more of their father in them, and getting to see those two Gilgamesh’s lookalikes mimic Hakuno’s reactions so perfectly put a stupid smile on her face.

Cute little motherfuckers, she had to admit.

Ur-Nungal was the first to come crashing down from his stupefaction.

He narrowed his eyes at her. “ _What_.”

“Yeah, like. You see, last night I got _really_ hungry, and—" she fumbled with her hands in an effort to give more emphasis to her story, "—I accidentally ate all of your birthday candy,” she elaborated, shoulders shaking, trying to will herself to sound regretful about it.

A beat of uncomfortable, eerie silence settled between the three. Their reactions, Gudako had to admit, were decidedly funny. Just a little bit, though. While Nhajat honestly looked as if Gudako just told her she had murdered her whole family, Ur-Nungal bore this expression of ‘disappointed-but-not-surprised’ that Hakuno liked to use whenever Enkidu and Gilgamesh did something unreasonably stupid in her presence.

“Pardon me?” Nhajat deadpanned, a look of horror crossing her features, as if she was staring back at _a monster_. “You ate ALL of it?”

“All of it,” she told them all of a sudden, unable to control a snort of amusement as she watched their equally stunned faces. “Every single last candy.”

“What— _really_?” Ur-Nungal deadpanned again when his sister couldn’t find her voice.

“Even the chocolates?” Nhajat asked, voice barely above a whisper as she looked distraught enough that she might actually be about to cry.

“ _Oh, especially the chocolates.”_

Nhajat looked at Gudako in alarm before her face scrunched up as she trembled, everything seeming to happen in rapid succession as her red eyes then started to water at the corners and hiccupping sobs escaped from her trembling, parted lips all before all hell broke loose and she broke into a heart-wrenching wail Gudako thought resembled that of a wounded animal. 

“W-What is wrong with you?!” the girl screeched, eyes wide as saucers in disappointed disbelief. “If Ummum wasn’t so fond of you, I— I’d stab you in your sleep for daring to show me this disrespect!”

…Okay, shit, fine, she had been counting with the fact that kids tended to cry and misbehave when they didn’t get what they wanted right away, but she should have remembered how ridiculously strong those kids’ lungs were, because that wail would have been able to fucking shatter all the windows in the upper floors if she had put a little bit more of effort into it.

Ur-Nungal’s response to that had been completely different from what she had been expecting, though. Instead of whining or simply being difficult like he normally was, he simply... sighed.

He sighed and brought a hand over his twin’s shoulders to pull her back against him in a half a hug, and then looked up at her with a hard stare and a scowl that should physically hurt.

The way his caramel-brown eyes narrowed at her told her that she’s somehow made a terrible, horrible mistake, and she could have also sworn to have felt a drastic drop in room temperature coupled with that.

“…Can I tell you something?” Ur-Nungal inquired calmly, still smiling, although his smile _did_ become significantly more disturbing after that, in a subtle 'I'm going to kill you when you least expect it just to see how you would react' kind of way.

It was also the kind of smile Gudako has seen too many times on Gilgamesh’s face and she wasn’t sure if she liked seeing it on his son’s face, too. It was one thing to have a set of red eyes stare at her as if they wanted to burn a hole through her, but it was another thing altogether to have _Hakuno’s eyes_ do that very same thing.

It was… disquieting. Someone who has inherited Hakuno's stupid soft eyes shouldn't be looking like this.

Gudako tried very hard to mind her tone, breaking into a nervous sweat. These were still Gilgamesh’s kid’s after all, she still had to tread carefully.

“…Uh, yeah?” she asked back, suddenly cautious. Something in Ur-Nungal’s honeyed tone of voice set her on edge.

The little boy took in a breath, momentarily closing his eyes as if to gather strength before he opened them again as he exhaled, expression turning somber and _decidedly terrifying_ as something seemed to change in his whole demeanor right that instant.

There was only but a moment of lingering silence before, “how dare you?" he hissed. "Are you not even the slightest bit _ashamed_ of how _disappointing_ you have allowed yourself to be? Adults are supposed to be our guardians and protectors against the hazards of the outside world, our guides for learning how to conduct ourselves later in life, the loyal pillars who which we confide on, and what have we found? You, stealing the hard-earned candy of two small, poor children such as us. Tell me, how will you get through each day of your life now, knowing that you've already failed in such a simple task?”

…

_Wait what?_

Gudako had to blink a few times to recover from the bluntness of that statement, but even that didn’t seem to be enough to snap her out of her shock.

Her mouth hanged opened, unable to answer that –or much of anything, for that matter-, and so Ur-Nungal took her silence to keep his discourse going, voice dropping lower and more menacing as he gave her a look over his fringe that casted ominous shadows over his eyes.

This wasn't how she envisioned this going.

“Well, uh—"

“…But even more importantly,” he interrupted her, “if you can't even gain the love and trust of two children such as us, how can you expect to earn the respect of a whole battalion, even less be considered Humanity’s only hope against mages tampering with fate and time, when you clearly lack the poise and self-discipline that is required for the job? Try as you might, so far you have been all but unable to appear before us with anything remotely resemblant of assertiveness and grace, even going as far as relegating your duties as a Master in pursuit of childish self-indulgence by deciding to _stuff your face with our **hard-earned** candy_, on our day of birth, no less,” he continued, eerily calm and level in a voice that Gudako swore to fucking God it fucking changed in pitch, and there was no way it could have come _naturally just like that_. Gudako only knew of one person who could do that, and this kid right here was not the blue-haired depressed piece of shit she had in mind.

This kid has been practicing this shit in front of a mirror, _he’s had to,_ there was simply no way a kid like him could make himself sound like a thirty-year-old, grown-up man with a nicotine addiction just like that by sheer, irate force of will, and the more he continued on talking, the more the expression on his face hardened and the more Gudako felt her own face drain of all color.

“How can we even hope to make any gains whatsoever if all of our endeavors depend on one vastly _incompetent_ mongrel such as yourself? You cannot command, you cannot even make others advance and you expect us to follow after you. This is a testament that not only have you failed as Humanity’s last stand, but you’ve also failed both as a Master and as an adult insofar as you have been unable to function as a competent, semi-respectable human being before two _innocent children_ such as ourselves. I am sickened. I cannot remember feeling this much _contempt_ as I am feeling right now. I hope you are content that you have managed to make two infants unable to confide in an adult figure for as long as they remember this affront.”

That was-

What the fuck-

Gudako broke into cold sweat for a second -or perhaps for a third- time that evening, and it took her more than what she was willing to admit to remember how to talk.

She was starting to have her serious doubts on whether this kid was actually a kid or not.

“-A-Actually, it was only a jo-”

“You don’t get to interrupt me,” he snapped. “You deserve nothing but the full _scorn_ and contempt of your king, and you ought to feel ashamed not only for your deeds, but also for even daring to show yourself before us in such a manner. Though I am sure that time will eventually melt away the disillusionment that your actions have brought into our small, tender hearts, in turn making your regrets mount and mount as the hours tick by, as of now I am simply too sickened to even want to stare at you longer than I already have. I would pray for Ereshkigal to have mercy on your soul the day you regretfully breathe your last breath, but at this point _I’m not even sure you have a soul._ Do you understand the weight of what you’ve done now?”

“...Mwhu,” was her not so eloquent response.

Gudako could only nod meekly at that, mind too frozen to come up with anything else, which seemed to just suit Ur-Nungal just fine, because the dark cloud of doom that hovered around him seemed to disperse after that, his _admittedly terrifying_ expression melting away like ice under the sunlight until it settled for that familiar expression of cool disdain that Gudako was so used in seeing in his father’s face.

Fucking hell, was this what A+ charisma _really_ meant?

Giving her one last meaningful stare, Ur-Nungal's vacant hand came to rest on top of his sister's head before his fingers started combing through the curly, golden locks of her hair in a consoling gesture as if the damned runt meant to _shield her_ away from _her._

“I shall be taking that as a ‘yes’, then. Come now, let us go, Nhajat. This pathetic mongrel can disappoint us no longer if we both leave from her presence. We have seen enough of her juvenile antics for today.”

And so they did; Ur-Nungal didn’t even wait for Gudako to recover from her stupor, dragging his sister away from her as he walked them down the hallway leading to the dormitories without so much as another word.

Not that she really wanted him to, anyway.

Gudako just kept crouching there for a solid five minutes, motionless as she tried to make sense of what had just happened.

There was a moment of silence before Gudako could find her voice again, Ur-Nungal’s speech repeating inside her head like some kind of mantra—

—until it _finally_ dawned on her.

“…But he’s only eight years old,” she muttered to herself in horrified awe, her voice barely above a whisper. "He's only eight years old and he's already a little cretin…"

If he was already like this at such tender age, how would he be like when he finally came of age? T-Those two would be undistinguishable from each other…!

Gudako suppressed a shudder.

She had been straight-up bullied and verbally abused by an eight-year-old kid. By Hakuno and _Gilgamesh’s_ eight-year-old, no less.

…T-that boy really had some _nerve_. Gudako had _murdered_ people, she’s burned Servants away when they became too much a liability, too much a threat, and _never, ever,_ had she felt as _guilty_ and ashamed of her actions as she now felt over a stupid prank gone wrong.

She wasn’t sure who exactly he reminded her of, but there was no doubt Ur-Nungal was his father’s son alright, though she would have liked to know beforehand that he would also be as _super serious_ and ridiculous about sweets as Hakuno was, so as to avoid this shit from ever happening at all.

Gudako didn’t think she would ever recover from this humiliation even if someone were to completely wipe out her memories of today.

“Oh, _come on,_ it was just _one joke_!” she balked, only then having the presence of mind of straightening herself and chasing after them before they started feeding Archer some kind of grandiose bullshit story about her belittling them or whatever that would make him want to tear her a new asshole for daring disrespect his children. “Don’t be this cruel to your auntie, she was only messing with you! Of course she has candy for the both of you!”

…If only she had stopped for a moment to notice that the two pairs of eyes staring back at her when their owners slowly turned themselves back to acknowledge her distraught shouting were shining with the glint of cunning.

* * *

At the moment, Hakuno was sitting cross-legged on her bed, dressed in shorts and a simple white tank top, reading the latest novel she had acquired from Medb’s admittedly shady doujinshi-selling business as she carded her fingers through Gilgamesh’s unruly strands of hair, who was currently slumbering with his head resting on top of her lap, curled up against her and seemingly genuinely exhausted for once.

The novel she was reading was from a mystery series that, according to Medb, had become quite popular back on Earth -it even got an animated series and a remake and everything!-, and as she progressed through the story she could understand why. Even though she didn't get most of the references due to her lack of remembrance about how life on Earth actually was like, she was still enjoying it immensely.

Life at Chaldea, she had to admit to herself, was actually rather good. Despite how ridiculously fun and exciting it was to be exploring the cosmos alongside her husband, Chaldea was decidedly much more tranquil than having to deal with at least two arrest warrants per week (most of which were not even _their fault_ ), and also despite Gilgamesh’s complaints that they hadn’t yet finished their expedition across the vast sea of stars, she kind of doubted she would have been able to have access to Medb’s black market of (admitedly lewd) doujinshis and whatnot while they were busy exploring planet after planet, even less have the time to properly look after Nhajat and Ur-Nungal. …And really, after escaping the Moon Cell not before almost getting herself deleted, anything would seem like a paradise to her.

So all in all, things were going just fine for her. She was enjoying her life in Chaldea and, as far as she was concerned, the Moon Cell along with her past could go and hurl themselves into an asteroid belt for all she cared.

As she went through the pages of her novel, she waited for her children to come back from spending the rest of the evening gathering presents and whatnot, playing along with all the other squealing children that composed Chaldea’s assortment of kid Servants in Gilgamesh’s ridiculously bombastic ‘birthday-party-slash-Event’ he had gone through all the effort of preparing just so that he could have an excuse to parade himself with their children in what he expected would make the rest of Chaldea green with envy, though apparently all the pompous bragging coupled with Ur-Nungal’s seemingly inextinguishable stamina must have truly exhausted him, because at some point earlier in the evening he had simply come back to their room, gave her a strange look and promptly collapsed on the bed and on top of her, something that Hakuno has never seen him do at all but which suited her just fine, really. One less headache to worry about for the day.

As if to answer her thoughts, her moment of tranquility was shattered when the door slammed opened and then was abruptly shut.

She looked up, slightly alarmed at the intrusion, and blinked in confusion only to be faced by her two troublemakers smiling a tad too deviously for their own good. Most curious was the fact that they were carrying quite a big basket full of what she assumed was candy —candy of all sorts, and a stuffed animal that stood taller than the two of them.

“More presents?” Hakuno casted a wary glance at the still slumbering Gilgamesh resting on her lap, then she stared back again at her children, then once more at Gilgamesh, and then she finally frowned suspiciously at the smaller blonds from where she stood. “What have you been up to all this time you’ve been gone?”

Ur-Nungal just smiled at her, playing dumb.

“Nothing really,” he chirped happily, and Hakuno might have been tempted into believing him if it hadn’t been for the fact that she could recognize all of his smiles and this one certainly did not say ‘nothing’.

Most of the time her son’s smiles would say ‘I actually had a good time’. Sometimes they seemed to say 'You don't deserve the air you breathe’, and this right here said, 'I don't know what you are talking about and we are perfectly innocent'.

That his sister had been unable to conceal a snort further cemented the idea that they had been terrorizing someone once again in hopes of getting away with things—and by the looks of it they have succeeded.

So of course, Hakuno knew better _not_ to assume they hadn’t been antagonizing someone for once, and she could already guess who’s been the primary target this time around, if she had to judge by the basket full of sweets that they had been carrying between the two along with the ginormous stuffed animal Nhajat had been precariously carrying in one arm.

With a defeated sigh, Hakuno tried to move herself away from Gilgamesh, which was actually easier than what she was initially expecting, the man not even flinching as he was moved to lay on a more comfortable position on the bed.

She slid off the bed and went to take the twins in both her arms, making them squeal in mild protest.

“You’ve caused enough trouble for today, I think.”

“But you don’t get it, Ummum. Guda messed with our candy!” her girl protested petulantly.

Hakuno gave them both a droll look before she kissed the brow of one, and then the other.

“She did, did she?” the brunette asked, sounding unimpressed.

Perhaps there could be some kind of higher moral to be found in all of this, after all, Hakuno guessed wryly as she brought her twins back to bed with her.

No one should stand between a Kishinami and their hard-earned sweets.

**Author's Note:**

> This stupidity was struck within me all week like you wouldn't believe and I couldn't get it out of my head until I finally got to writing it down. Deep down I just wanna see my babies happy for once uwu though I have to admit that writing Gudako on the verge of having a meltdown is a favorite genre of mine.
> 
> On another note, that you simply shouldn't mess with the candy of a Kishinami is a universal truth Gudako should be more mindful about.


End file.
